I’m in the Bit-ness of Misery

(Image courtesy of JasmoColors as part of an art trade.)

You know what is absolutely never tiring? Hearing about someone’s struggle.

Not because misery loves company, but because people need a constant reminder that no one is born with success. We aren’t born with a 10 million follower instagram account or 150K Facebook likes. (Although with people making accounts for their babies…that could change in 15 years.) The best part of hearing about the struggle is hearing about the victory.

I struggle with anxiety and depression as I know a lot of others do. I haven’t yet determined if it’s mainly a chemical imbalance (probably because of my current on and off healthy eating) or some of the company I may keep. I also struggle with my weight. Constantly. And I struggle with believing in my worth. Despite that, you know what happened the other day?

I became a Twitch Affiliate! That means on Twitch.tv, I can accrue revenue for showing up and doing what I do!

I overcame the fear of showing my “ugly, fat” face in front of a camera, and my fear that I’m “boring” and “no one will ever watch” my “stupid” stream. Those are some hateful words. Please don’t use them on yourself. The fears were alleviated when I met interesting people who also write and encourage other writers instead of bringing them down. Yes, those people exist!

The best thing anyone every said to me? I was wondering how to interpret a picture prompt for a story I was writing for someone and they said, “Do what makes you happy. You’re the writer.”

The first gif my first followers saw. “A follow? For me? Y’all shouldn’t have!”

So I did. And I was thanked for making myself available to stream. On Saturday, I got my first $0.07 as a writing streamer. Then on Sunday, I got my first subscriber and first 100 bits cheer! (That just means $1.00) That’s mine and no one can take that away from me.

You and I are human beings–unless I’m talking to your pet’s account right now–and we face different struggles daily. We are at different points in our journeys to whatever goal we may or may not have set for ourselves. That’s terrifying and exciting all at once. We are all teeming with potential and I feel confident to say that because I’m still watching it happen for myself.

I’m not the insanely famous person who you may not trust because a tiny part of you still believes they were born with fame and fortune. I’m also not the budding dreamer who hasn’t started yet. I’m in the thick of it, watching happiness bloom right before my eyes. Trying to make this a living isn’t where the happiness comes from. It comes from saying you’ll try the thing that brings you joy and finding your tribe while doing it.


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